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Monster Ark
So I wrote this forever ago to save some of my friends from actually having to watch Monster Ark (2005 movie starring Renee O'Connor and Tim DeKay). FIgured I may as well post it here:
FBI agent from White Collar: "Hey, it says here that if we go to this place and open up a box, a monster will destroy the world."
Renee: 'huh. Better go open that box then. BTW, I hate you because you totally cheated.'
FBI: "Holy crap! The monster is killing people! How did no one see this coming?! Also, did not cheat, you're paranoid and slightly unbalanced. BTW I don't believe in god."
Renee: 'Dude. You should totally believe in god. Like whoa. Also, you're dreamy when you fight bad CGI and come across clues two minutes before the optimum time.'
Sergant: "THE MONSTER IS KILLING MY MEN! Did you see Mr T on the Snickers ad? He's like, my hero yo. Best actor ever. I want to be just like him.
Renee: 'It says here on this bit of parchment I just found that the only way to stop the monster is if the chosen one can find the magical god stick and use that god stick to do something totally implausible.'
FBI: "Oh wow! The sun! I totally believe in god now. Hey look, a stick. BTW you're hot when you're terrified."
Renee: 'You're the chosen one AND you believe in Jesus? Take me, take me now, I no longer believe you cheated on me, although I won't admit I was being an irrational bitch.'
FBI: "I choose to forget how miserable you make me and how you're insane. OM NOM NOM."
The end.
FBI agent from White Collar: "Hey, it says here that if we go to this place and open up a box, a monster will destroy the world."
Renee: 'huh. Better go open that box then. BTW, I hate you because you totally cheated.'
FBI: "Holy crap! The monster is killing people! How did no one see this coming?! Also, did not cheat, you're paranoid and slightly unbalanced. BTW I don't believe in god."
Renee: 'Dude. You should totally believe in god. Like whoa. Also, you're dreamy when you fight bad CGI and come across clues two minutes before the optimum time.'
Sergant: "THE MONSTER IS KILLING MY MEN! Did you see Mr T on the Snickers ad? He's like, my hero yo. Best actor ever. I want to be just like him.
Renee: 'It says here on this bit of parchment I just found that the only way to stop the monster is if the chosen one can find the magical god stick and use that god stick to do something totally implausible.'
FBI: "Oh wow! The sun! I totally believe in god now. Hey look, a stick. BTW you're hot when you're terrified."
Renee: 'You're the chosen one AND you believe in Jesus? Take me, take me now, I no longer believe you cheated on me, although I won't admit I was being an irrational bitch.'
FBI: "I choose to forget how miserable you make me and how you're insane. OM NOM NOM."
The end.